"my name is chad. i have a sirius prolbem."

(originally answered 2/18/2006)

Dear Peanut Guy,

my name is Chad. i have a sirius prolbem. theirs this HOTT chick in my algebra class and instead of doing work i usually just flirt with her all class period, like passing her notes and touching her leg and stuff and just you nkow trying to get with her. shes into it 2 and she flirts back, feeling my bicep sometimes or like licking her lipps and shit.

anyway, sometimes because of this i pop a boner and it hits the bottom on my desk. its totally embarrassing and also im worried that i'll be called up to the board to do a equation on the board.

what shoudl i do????
~ Boner Always Deeply Affecting Social Situations

dear "chad" or "BADASS",

every day before class, simply repeat the following ritual:

close your eyes for a moment and imagine a cool mountain spring percolating up through the tender, mossy soil of the old growth forest bed. inhale. follow the crisp, crystaline waters down the emerald hillock and into the deep, calm alpine resevoir.

now you are floating over the center of the translucent lake. you see a giant horsehead deep below, rising slowly to the surface and growing larger with each molecule of mountain air you helplessly inhale until its leviathan nostrils hover one centimeter below the lake's veneer, its hideous, beady eyes piercing you, haunting you. forever.

this, chad, is the horse of shame. at its command, you shall henceforth wear mascara and only black. that, or try peanut gal's suggestion: hold a large textbook over the affected region.

fondly,
the peanut guy!