arrivederci, giliann

dear peanut guy,

Good day, my dear friend

I still live with my parents under the same roof and I am sorry to say this, but I am already tired to see how they rule over my life. I work hard and I make enough to have a good life, but I give a lot to my parents. My friends ask why don't I just rent an apartment and leave: I just think that I will be sorry all my life for leaving them: Maybe you can give me an advice? Is there a way to get "divorced" with my parents and build my life with a man who will love me. I am looking for a life partner and friend, for lover and gentleman in my future husband. I hope all these features are combined in you. Your answer should wait for me and I am thankful to my destiny that I have a chance to get to know you better:

A rivederci,
~Giliann D.

dear giliann,

you are not the first vertebrate maiden to swoon over peanut guy's perfectly salted rind, his glistening protein-rich stalk which feeds upon the roaring firelight in the legume-hungry eyes of all the female phyla of italy.

but alas, sweet giliann d., i have sworn but one true love and peanut gal is she. however, no known by-laws of the peanut code preclude me from helping defenseless italians, so long as they swear allegiance to the peanut guy and join his royal peanut armada as as a junior midshipman every other new moon. have you sworn yet? then:

first, quit your job in the sugar mines. if your parents protest, simply recite the peanut oath of cyclical responsibility: "i, peanut giliann swear upon the seeds of mine fathers thou hast approved of mine actions whilst intoxicated beyond the legal limit."

next, you must immediately ask the following of each eligible bachelor you meet: "stilgar, do we have wormsign?" to which your lover of destiny will surely reply, "usal, we have wormsign the likes of which even peanut guy has never seen."

the rest, as they say, is foodsandwich.

lasciarme passeggia quell'asino,
the peanut guy!