gary: enemy of peanutkind

dear peanut guy,

can you tell me how a roasted peanut becomes a salted peanut. i am
looking for the exact procedures.

much appreciated,
~gary

dear gary,

why don't we come clean, pal? we're both adults here. so let's have it out: you're in cahoots with james, aren't you "gary"? say, "gary," why don't we settle this like gentlemen, in an old-fashioned match of food? if you're truly mature, as i am, then we should have no problem going toe to toe in a food match. incidentally, the peanut clan elders have informed me i have unbridled access to a most cruel iron maiden built to your exact proportions. now, you know the rules:

first, you collect 75kg of food.

then, we both say our battle chants.

finally, the one with the most food wins.

but here's the catch: was it food or was it only a mystic illusion created by means unknown to you--a secret of the peanut clan???

beware,
the peanut guy!